and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
