if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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