Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
