Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
