i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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