piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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