She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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