i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
