I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
