After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Someone signed my nipple.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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