There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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