so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
