she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
