We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
