Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
