OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
