I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
