Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
