why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dick very happy bro
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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