A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
