He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
