you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
