Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
