didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Buhtt sex?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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