My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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