It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
