I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
