is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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