he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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