Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
