Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
