It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
