She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize