talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
