every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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