I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
