all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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