So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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