9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
