Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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