Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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