I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
