Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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