do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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