also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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