dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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