Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
