Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
