Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
