You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
vagina is talking i cant
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
