i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
