She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
