I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
