I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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