I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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