Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
