I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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