So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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