thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
