We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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