Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
