dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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