While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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