i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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