Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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