I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
