He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
