Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
